Man, that picture of Sam and Monty is enormous! Hope it doesnt hurt anyone to look at those huge life sized heads! I gotta figure out how to make them smaller. off to email Austin again. bye!

Heya,
another quickeroo as I am getting ready for Joy group (tonight we are doing inspirational/spiritual joy) and Jay aint home yet which means I am dragging three kids with me, soooo professional! Sam is on his rollerblades carrying around a yogurt container with worms in it, monty fell asleep on the couch watching spiderman in his green underwear with a spiderman wrist thing on his, um wrist, and lady luck is on my lap which is why short post as i am typing with one friggin hand. i did want to try to put a picture up like Austin showed me so here goes.

hope it works!
Toodle-oo!

It's late, and i should be climbin' into my scratcher, but I was checking my ebay anyway so here i am.

Daddy-o is gone again, hopefully will be home tomorrow night. For dinner we had, um, some pieces of melon, some chicken fingers, some rice crackers, and whole wheat buns with butter. I like not cooking a whole big mealio once in a while (okay, not once in a while, I like it anytime). Not too bad of an evening, as the kids were good, except Sam needs a little attitude check about every three minutes. I think it is an eight year old thing. What a life. He gets to play outside for three hours then bring Dimitri in to watch a movie and they have a blast, then when its time for D to go home he is scowling like a pirate at me, just totally annoyed and acts like I have had him in handcuffs for three weeks.

Man. It's like, how much can ya give these people?

Dimitri is kind of a riot. He is the Greek kid who lives a few houses down and across the street. His brother is Aris and they are friends with Sammy. On Christmas Day Dimitri was on our porch at eight thirty in the morning in a pair of shorts and a T shirt, with his Spiderman wrist web spray thingy, just dying to show it to Sam. So we ask him in, (as they always have Sam in their house and it is like we have to get a deprogrammer to get him back out after twelve hours). Dimitri hangs out with our family for the whole Christmas day, enjoys a late brunch with us, checks out everybody's presents. Hilarious.
His mom later told me that he had told her that he was just going to the porch for a minute to try his Spiderman thing. Kids are funny.

It is a great neighborhood for kids round here and I feel lucky to be here. We have Bruno across the street who is about 68 and knows what the weather is and what it will be tomorrow like it's his personal mission to know it. Tony on the other side is an older Italian guy who is just a darling and grows the nicest tomatoes you ever saw. Today he was walking by as I pulled up with the kids and he waited for me to pull in and get out of the car.
Then he said,
"How'sa keeds?"
I said, "Good! They fell asleep!"
He said, "Okay, I'm a gonna helpa you. Whicha one first?"

So nice. Then we have the Polish connection next door. The mom's name is Joanna and she and I talk, though her hubby is kind of (very) quiet so I don't even know his name, even though he and his brother came and did our tiles in the basement! But they have two boys and a girl. Beside them is another old Tony with his wife (name?) and they have a big ole German Shepherd dog.

I could go on but you get the pic. Every other house is older people, every other house is a young family. Pretty much, anyways. A good mix. And pretty safe. I mean, last year after night class once, I came in and went to bed. Then at four thirty in the morning the phone is ringing. I dont make it in time but I get to it and we have call display so I see it is my neighbor Chris (Dimitri and Aris' dad). I am thinking they need me to come over for some emergency and am about to call them back. Then there is a banging at my front door. It is Chris. He was leaving for work and he noticed my CAR IS RUNNING. Eeep! Since 1030 pm my car is running in my driveway. And nobody made off with it. So I think a decent neighborhood. A little boring, as noone was up late enough to notice that it was rarin' to go in the driveway, but decent nonetheless.

Okay I have talked myself into tiredness supremo. Off to bed with moi. Night night.

I am hugging my kids extra hard today. And thinking of little Cecilia Zhong's parents and barely comprehending what they must be feeling. There is evil in this big stupid world. And why, why would someone do something like this.

Moot question. No answer is satisfactory.

It just taints everything, you know? I am sending Sam off to school with a lump in my throat. I am looking at the little ones and thinking, 'Will bad things happen to you?' Why have I been able to get this far, when other parents worst fears have come crashing down on their heads? It is like relief mixed with guilt mixed with sadness mixed with dread.

I guess in one way it smartens us up. Look sharp, mom and dad. Be careful not to miss how lucky, how blessed you are, with your big-eyed little wonders. Treat them kindly. Watch where they walk. Teach them everything you know.

Are we that dorky that we need these constant proddings? I don't know. I just know that when I hug them, there is so much in that hug. It is so much more than a physical act. It's like for that few seconds, I am branding them with my heart. These are mine. Please. Don't let anything happen to them.

Amen.

Sam asked me to help him with fractions and I did one crap job of explaining them. I hate math homework. I get frustrated that he doesnt understand my cockamamie method of figuring out how to divide four pies among three kids. I am drawing the same line down the middle of the circle and saying, "SEE? GET IT? HALF? AND THEN HALF OF A HALF?" and he is shaking his head and I'm like, "WHAT DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND, BUD?" and he is like,

'i don't know what i don't understand.'

No Goff. Good point, eh?


Daddy was home for the weekend and it was GOOD. Gotta go more later!

How do truckers wives do this? Or salesmens wives? I have been a pseudo single parent for three days and it is killin me. Jay wouldnt even be home yet, but the sheer thought that he might not be home tonight cuts me deep, man. I have a mind to call the Fire Chief of TO myself and tell him to lay off the nonsense. Why do they need a fire boat in such a hurry anyways?

Arg. Lucy is half crying downstairs for no good reason. Sammy is banging things around his room in protest of having to clean it instead of roller blading. Then he has the nerve to come and ask me, cajole me, implore me, inSIST on having a friend in to play ps2. Hah! Not bloody likely.

I meant to take them out to get shoes right now, but somehow time got away from me. And here I sit, taking a precious five minutes to blog. How dare I? There are dishes in the sink. How could I? There is laundry in the dryer (for three days now). Why do I think I can? When I havent given a thought to supper.

Because, my friends. Because it is my perogative. Because someday I want to remember how crazy it was to have three small kids, not like my mom, who, having had four kids in five years, gets this blank look on her face when I ask her how she did it. I want to be able to remember all the gory little details, not just say, "Ummm, I drank a lot of Diet Coke. And you kids were very nice, most of the time."

Or maybe it will be agony to look back with clear vision. Maybe I am supposed to forget and forgive. I don't know. I do know that I better go, Lucy ain't gettin any quieter and Monty is too quiet.

Maybe tomorrow I will actually have a subject to post about. If anyone reading this has a yen for a certain subject to be discussed, please pop it into the comments! I usually have something to say about most things, intelligent or not.

Later.

I knew it would warm up at some point. 13 delicious degrees! Whoopee! Hoodie weather! Walking weather! Open the kitchen window weather! Come one, come all, watch the snow melting before yer very eyes.

Jay has been away for two days in TO. He has been working on the one fire boat that the Toronto Fire Dept. has, and I guess it is ready for comissioning or something, so he is there working mucho hours and staying over to be able to get there early enough, etc. I will be glad when this job is over, so will he probl'y, those 12 hour days must get to you after a month or so. I know they sure get to ME.

So maybe he will be home tonight and maybe not. If not, then me and Oma are going to watch 'Monsoon'.

What a trip to Haircrafters today with Monty. I usually cut his hair myself and it looks pretty bad, so I decide that we are going to get it done right. I promise him copious good things like lollies and McDonald's and a ride on the automated ride on toys in Eastgate. He nods his big head no problemo mommy.

Then we get there.

The haircutter chick is a little freaky. If you ever go to Eastgate, pop your head into Haircrafters and see for yourself. She has pink popcorn colored hair mixed with black and spiked out to China. She has stud earrings in her schnoz, her lower lip, her eyebrow. She has a tatoo 'sleeve'. She wears hip hugger pants with muscle shirts and studded belts. Get the picture?

She is however, very nice. Sweet, even. But to Monty I am sure she looks like she is going to pin him to a board like a butterfly and torture him. Poor kid. I mean, he looks at me all day. The freakiest I get is when my stupid short hair loses its coolness once I have slept on it and I look like Tom Hulce in Dominick and Eugene. If that is too vague a reference think of a 'slow' kid in say, grade six, with weird thick hair that slopes to one side.

So. He is not buying the whole nice freaky lady thing. He buries his head in my armpit and refuses to come out. I am sitting in the barber chair with him in my lap, trying to excavate his blond head and hold it up so miss studs can get the clippers on him. He is yelling and struggling and kicking her with his winter boots. She was good though, she did not give up. She just kept darting in with the clippers when there was a few free inches of hair sticking out. I held on to him with all of my strength. He kept saying, "Don wanna hayer cut!!" over and over. There were a few spectators enjoying this show on their lunch breaks, standing on the other side of the glass.

This lasted an interminable ten minutes. Then, with one last cliperoo above his ear and one last yelp, it was done. He looked like crap. Not his hair, mind, that turned out great. But his face was all red and spotchy from my super grip and his exertion, and he had been crying, and it honestly felt like we had just been in a bloody car accident or something. But it was done.

So the people outside threw loonies at us and thanked us for providing a gladiator type show, I paid the pink popcorn her ten bucks, and that was that. Monty was happy as a clam after, climbing on the ride on toys and smiling at me with every single one of his teeth. Pleased as punch with himself he was, having been such a brave boy with his hayer cut.

Unbelievable. I had to give the kid a lollipop for bruising my upper arms and kicking a punk rocker.

Okay better go see whats what downstairs. I am letting Sam rollerblade outside right now and as it is his um, second time on RB's I had better poke my head out the door to make sure there is no blood.

Ciao.

Hilo,

Gig went well last night. There was only supposed to be about 35 people there and it ended up being an aud of 100+. A little overwhelming but they were a great crowd, very rowdy and fun. Even too rowdy, as whenever we had them do something it took about five minutes to settle them down. But a good gig.

And book group was goood too! Lots of laughs. We didnt talk about the book so much as just shootin the breeze. Well, we did discuss it somewhat but very informally, very fun. It's funny though. The first book group night we had everyone came, it was like 17 ladies all gung ho rootin tootin readin' cowgirls. That was in Sept. And since then we are lucky to get 8 or 9 ladies out. So funny, if there was one night I would overcome obstacles to get to, it is this night. What could be better than yammering on with a bunch of gals about books, munching on goodies and having fun? I know if I want to be somewhere, I will do anything to get there. It is the things that I am not that into that are simple to find excuses for.

And yet, having said all that, I know sometimes, with fatigue from work, or sniffly kids, or dorky babysitters, or husbands that can't get home when you need them to, it is simpler to just not go. to anything. Only when I am there do I get that wash over of gratitude for being in that spot at that time. I had it last night when the tears were squeezing out of my eyes, laughing hysterically at Sandy's story of the telephone solicitor. I had it last Tuesday sitting in between my brother and Jay at Cufu. I have it when I make it to church and get to stand and sing my little heart out even though it has taken much early morning agony to get there for nine thirty in the morning.

I think it is the whole engagement of life that we were talking about last night. Not just being like the main character Louise, sort of steadily existing without ever really locking in to anything.

You gotta lock in, man.

You gotta look people in the eyes and listen when they are telling you something. You have to talk your truth, not just tell people what you think they want to hear. You have to disagreesometimes, say "WOW!" sometimes, smile with your whole face, point at things that interest you, and think about what you are saying, doing, eating, and hoping for.

Geez, where did THAT come from? And that is my point. I kinda went off there, and so what? If I were to read it all over again I would start worrying if it sounded stupid, or know-it-all-y, or whatever. Who cares? It is what it is. And, in the words of Popeye, I am what I am.

Or was it, I is what I is?

Ah well, have a good rest of the day.

Hey there,

Just a quickie while I am burning a CD for tonight's thingy at the OAK RUN bakery. Apparently about half of the audience will be ESL'ers, so it should be interesting to see if humor crosses language barriers. We are going to try something new, have the audience conduct music with chopsticks. Sounds weird but some study done showed that professional musical conductors live long, healthy lives, so we thought we would have them try this for a fun thing to do. I picked 'Rodeo Hoedown' by Aaron Copeland. It is pretty uplifting and kinda the only music I could find quickly so that's that.

Didn't quite finish 'The Romantic' (sorry Jojo) but I get the gist of it. And there is always the car ride from ANcaster to Dundas, its about ten minutes, I could squeeze in 20 pages if I had to. I blame it on that damn Davinci Code. I was powerless against it.

Sammy got his yellow belt! Yay! He did pretty good, although I didnt get to see him do his kata as I was on Monty watch in the hall. But Jay did. It was cute watching them stand there and get their certificates and then the sensei put their belts around their little tummies.

I got 'Monsoon Wedding' (Mira Nair) at the Amity today, vhs tape, for 2 bucks. I saw it when it came out with Oma and loved it. Can't wait to watch it again. I also got a couple for ebe, the 1985 video event tape for 'We Are The World', (which, of course, I will have to watch and enjoy the trip down memory lane first) and 'The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe' movie. Not sure if that one is worth anything, as it is the narrated version and not the BBC one, but if it isn't then for a buck I got a great video for the kidlets.

Okay well now I am just stalling, putting off going over my little bit of stand-up I am supposed to do tonight. I better get in the bathroom in front of the mirror while the gettin is good, aka, Monty is sleeping (!) and so is Luce and Sam is reading (!).

Later then.

A

I love this.

The little prince went away to look again at the roses.
"You are not at all like my rose," he said.
"As yet you are nothing. No one has tamed you, and you have tamed no one. You are like my fox when I first knew him. He was only a fox like a hundred thousand other foxes. But I have made him my friend, and how he is unique in all the world."

And he went back to meet the fox.
"Goodbye," he said.
"Goodbye," said the fox. "And now here is my secret, a very simple secret. It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye."
"What is essential is invisible to the eye," the little prince repeated, so that he would be sure to remember.

From The Little Prince, by Saint Exupery

Decent morning.

Went to Sandy's with the kids and drank tea and ate lots and the kids were good so we could yammer on without anyone getting seriously injured. Kim came too. It is great to hang out with friends you have known forever. I mean, S and I have been friends since GRADE 3 (that would be 1978 when she came as the new kid halfway through the year, a skinny little thing wearing old NHL sneakers) and Kim was first friends with San in high school but joined Drum Corps so I have known her since we were like, 15.

We were gabbin about old Drum Corps people and who is doing what, remembering things about people that we had forgotten. Poor Sandy always complains that nobody remembers her. She will see someone from a long time ago and won't say hello to them because she is afraid they will, go, "Ummm, I don't think I know you". She says everyone always remembers us Sloans. I guess its because we were four kids very close in age from the same family, three of whom had red hair. Kind of hard to forget.

I hate that for Sandy though, because she is so memorable to me, so much a part of growing up, I can't imagine someone not remembering her. And she was always tall and good looking and had great clothes. I mean, what's to forget?

Speaking of old friends, I also have to write that I miss Cari. It struck me today in the shower. (I usually do my deep thinking in the shower because it is the only place I get peace, for the most part of course, until Monty whips back the curtain and holds a piece of toast up to the water and laughs his head off) She has moved away. To Phoenix Arizona. Gone. It has been a month now and it is just kicking in. I think I was under the impression that it would not really happen, so much so that even when it did, it didn't. You know? I won't have her sitting on the floor of my kitchen talking. Or having a glass of wine with me on a Friday night while she tidies up my dining room. Or to talk to through the sometimes horribly desperate hour before dinner, before Jay gets home. Well, I guess I could still talk to her, but man, it aint the same.

Well, I can hope that they don't stay down there too long. But for now, I miss you, Cari Louise Chastity Save the Whales Stewart.

Okay gotta go.

Oh! And Jen started a blog! whoopee! she is at harvestdream.blogspot.com
I think, I will go check that to be sure.-

Just watching Ethan Hawke on 'Inside the Actors Studio', feeling sad that him and Uma broke up. She was probably just too much woman for him, with her awesome stature and Buddhist wisdom.

AND I finished DaVinci Code today. Whew!!!!! What a crackerjack novel. Fantastic theories about the Holy Grail and the Early Church and conspiracies and corruptions. I want to read the precursor to it, Angels and Demons, which my cousin Tracy is reading and will generously lend me as soon as she is done. Now I have to finish The Romantic (Barbara Gowdy) for book group on Tues. I also have a gig on tues that I have to prepare for, so there might be a fight. A fight within I mean, where I wrestle with time and priorities. Happens all the time.

Other than that I have my Groupe de Joie Wed, which'll be a breeze as i was semi prepared for it last week and didnt go, so I already have half the material for it.

Monty is asleep on the couch, he passed out during Spiderman. Sooo cute. He looks like butter wouldnt melt in his pouty little mouth when he sleeps. He is all eyelashes and lips. They just have your heart in a VICE when they are like that, don't they?

Last day before March Break ends. Sammy has his yellow belt test tomorrow. He gets annoyed with me when I tell him to practice his kata. What a kid. Then he will be mad at me if he doesnt do well. Ye can't win. We watched our Michael Jackson DVD today. Man, MJ was great before he got too weird for words, eh? I remember thinking he was smiling specifically AT ME from the poster on my wall. Like he could see me, and in his sparkly brown eyes was a promise that someday he and I would be married. Good thing THAT never happened! Yikes! I also (when younger) had a gorgeous poster of Erik Estrada from CHiPs, with him in his tan shirt with a CB radio thingy in his hand, and what a smile he had too. Ahh the romantic vibes that flew around that room in the early 80's! Don't get me started. There is no crush more relentless than that of a preteen.

Well, it is almost six and time to think about dinner (aka what are we getting on the pizza). After that is some much needed grooming for my son, involving bath and Q tips in the ears and nail clippers.

Jay was saying that he and I should join a gym and work out together. I am processing it. Will we go? I hate working out per se. I don't mind taking classes where someone is yelling at me to move my big butt. I do mind endless repetitions with 10 pound weights and the boredom of stretching on a mat with no agenda. But it might be alright if we are together. It might be kinda 'mantic' (as my little Kennis put it oh so many years ago). Hmm.

Talk to you later.

So its Friday eh.

Friday is cool. I would like to get this house somewhat clean before the weekend. My friend Colleen is coming over this morn. It should be fun for her, she gets to watch me clean. And package up the ebay. I have had a little ebitterness this week. One baby gap dress i sold (pd $1, went for $14) had a HOLE in it when I looked at it before packing. So. I had to refund the chicks money in full. But I still pay the ebay fees plus the final value fee plus paypal fees. Ah well.

Then upon inspection of another little dress that sold well, I see somehow it has gotten a STAIN on the front. I tried everything to no avail. It has a smocked front so I am up last night embroidering some tiny blue leaves over the stain! It looks pretty good. Then I see that it is missing a BUTTON. I am like, why God why and searching my house for a teeeny tiny button at 1145pm.

It ain't over. When I take another little Sucre D'orge dress out of the washer, I see that lo and behold, the bleach i used to try to get the stain out of the other dress has gotten on to the back of this one and now there are two white splotches among the lovely orange madras print. Argh.

So now I have to email THAT buyer and tell her about the stain and offer her a refund. I tell ya, for every good experience on this green earth we pay dearly. Well, that is a bit exaggerated. But they say that it takes 30 good experiences to wipe out the feelings of one bad one. So bring on the good, I say.

I have all this to whinge about and yet I know damn well that overall it is a pretty dolce vita. I mean, nobody around here is hungry, cold, or suffering too badly. Sometimes I have to catch myself when I go on about my suburban woes. Life. Could. Be. Worse. Really.

Ciao. Looking forward to a typical eventful weekend. With three kids, it is NEVER dull around here.

Mon Dieu, it is still snowing.

Which might actually work out well for me. My book group this morning is cancelled. My book group tonight is cancelled. I am thinking my Joy group will also be cancelled, which means a lot less scrambling around for me today, a little more just hanging out avec mes enfants. This is good, as it has been a busy coupla weeks around here.

Cufu was awesome last night. It is a one man show where the one man describes, impersonates, and reenacts growing up as an Italian immigrant in the North End of Hamilton in the fifties and sixties. And it is more than that. Charly Chiarelli was brilliant, with his ten harmonicas and his bellowing italian tirades and his endearing reminiscing which, though sometimes sad, was absolutely polluted with humour. Jay laughed his head off, there is something so great about seeing someone you love just laugh like crazy. You feel joy on their behalf. My brother Charlie howled too, I could feel his shoulders shaking beside me. I always love when my brother laughs because he looks like he did when he was a kid, red faced, and almost about to have an asthma attack.

We got to meet Charly Ch. after the show and tell him how good he was. It was nice to go to such an intimate little venue. They actually waited for us to come before starting the show, as Chas and Roz told them we were coming. And the gracious guy working there said, "You don't have to rush in, take a minute, take off your coat, relax". It is so remarkable to be treated like a guest when going out these days. To all those who blare on about Hamilton not having any culture, I say NOT TRUE.

Hmm. It is really snowing out there. I think i may have to go pick up Sammy at Joannes via sled. Wish I had a big ole St Bernard that could pull me and the kids. THAT would be cool.

I gotta go call Knox church and see if I am on tonight or no.

Later.

Oh there are not enough HOURS in the day for all me activities.

It is eleven thirty one and I still have about two hundred pages of the Romantic to read for Wed night book group. I havent even personally read the first hundred pages! I just got Tracy to tell me what has happened up till then and I am going to open the book and start there. Geez you would think I was some high profile thang, getting someone to do my reading for me! Hah! Really though I just put things off, and I have lots going on, including my Joy group wed night, tomorrow night we are going to Cufu at the Staircase Cafe Theatre, very much looking forward to this!

Umm what else. Well there is always good ole ebay, FYI, the gameboy went for 65, not badatall. Little disappointed in the video card plus games went for 127 which is a fraction, a fraction of what everything cost new. But I am not bitter. Well, I am trying really hard not to be bitter and that is just as good. But the mailing and putting up thingys for auctione and answering emails about shipping Caillou dolls to France and hunting down all these things in the first place takes much tempus.

And of course the three children that I am responsible for. And I have two gigs coming up with my ma, so gotta keep the stand up comedy chops up. And this big sidesplit of a house that we all live in which has not seen a good cleaning since the cleaning ladies came back in December. (this was a gift, by the way, I am not that high falutin'.) And helping Sammy practice his 8 Hon Power Kata to get his yellow belt.

And many many other things, which I am sure everyone reading this has their own beloved list of. Well, good luck to all of us, eh? Better go read, now. And I love how among all this nonsense I manage to find time to BLOGGGGGG.

Ha.

What a cool day. Forget the weather, I am tired of complaining about that and what is the POINT. It was just a real good Sunday. I got to sing at churchola, which is fun even though half the time I think I am out of key, because I don't even know what being out of key means, that is how musically challenged I am. They are way too nice to tell me if I am doing bad, so I just belt it out as best I can and sometimes I just mouth the words when I am unsure. So it is fun.

Then we went home and the kids were still at my ma and pa's so we watched "Runaway Jury" with the King Gene Hackman and the always awesome John Cusak. I love him. I have loved him since he held up the radio to "In Your Eyes" in Say Anything with Ione Skye, with his long trenchcoat on, looking up at her window.

Anyway, it was a decent movie, made even more decent by the fact that it was early Sunday afternoon and we were just SITTING on the couch watching a movie, without ninety nine distractions. (That's a nice way to refer to the kids, Amy, as distractions!) Then I had a weird little nap on the couch. I say weird because Jay was watching some program about mooses. (Mooses? Moose? What on earth is the plural to that?) So I am half asleep listening to these moose facts and incorporating it into my dreams and it was really weird.

My dad brought the kids back. (Man, don't the kids look sweet to ya when they have been away for 24 hours?) And I went to Fortinos the Monolith grocery store with Oma and Monty. (I feel the hour by hour thing happening right now and I am powerless to stop it!) Any HOO. Managed to spend 165 bucks at Fortinos even though I just went for bread and milk. (They had the sweetest quilted blankets marked down and I bought a pink and white one.) Then home again home again jiggety jig. We watched "School of Rock" then. What a cute movie. Sam loved it and is practicing his guitar as I write this. Monty just ran around, he is in a Spiderman phase. I made pizza for supper. (Oh the fascinating domestica must just make for earth shattering reading for you folks!) I will stop now.

A good day. A good weekend, actually. Can I just add that we went to Mexicali Rosas on Friday night for Lisa's birthday and it was fun? Okay, now I am done. I will spread out the other events of the weekend over the next few days so nobody gets sick and tired of my life. It is march break, so I should have lots of exciting things going on!

I wont even TELL you that I am off to go clean the kitchen. Oops. Sorry.

Night night!

TOO COLD TODAY.
BLECH.
However,
I am listening to Pavlo on CBC.
Mediterranean music fills my messy room.
It helps.

That was a little poem called "Getting by" by Amy Sloan-Forderer. Nah. Just kidding, my poems are much longer than that. That was almost haiku. It is damn cold though. And it ain't right. I want springeroo. Lightweight jackets and warm car windows and sun coming in my kitchen window and reflecting off the dishes in my sink. And kids PLAYING OUTSIDE. Please.

Saw "The Passion of the Christ" last night. Man. What a movie. It was good though. Good like the Pianist or Schindler's List were good. Compelling and heartbreaking. Hard to watch, but it sure kept my interest. The only thing was, I wish there would have been more background info. I mean, I grew up Catholic so most of it was familiar, but still, it would have been more complete had they explained more about why they did this to Him. Why Pilate couldn't stop it, even though he seemed as if he wanted to. And why did so many seem to hate Jesus so. But it was still a very well done movie. The guy who played Jesus was great, as was the actress who played his mother. Whew. What a movie.

Arg. Bloggus Interruptus. Kids, eh?
More later.

I agree with Brian about Sheila Copps. What a headcase. I was so annoyed when I was enjoying the Black Eyed Peas song on the radio in my car and they INTERUPTED it to break through with her stupid charges. What a dork. She needs to just go home and put her head on her desk and have a long time out.

Good post, Brian. Whendja get the chance to write all that?

Well, last night went just fine. Because Dragonia wasn't there! A fellow told me right off the bat that she had a meeting to go to. Whoopee! It was a good night, the group is chattier than the first night which is great. I think I am going to learn lots, too, because I have never run a group for six weeks before, it's always a one time deal.

Just got back from Wendy's with the kids. They broke me down. For those of you who don't know, the toy this week is AGENT CODY BANKS 2. So put that in your storage place for useless information. Sammy is not at school because he has his wicked cough. I can't do that to the teacher. How could someone teach class with a kid barking like a lovesick seal all day?

Gotta clean up around here this aft. It's really disgusting. Boy, my post is just chock full of excitement today, huh? Really, though, I hate to have a disgrace for a house on the weekend. When I was a kid, my dad used to call my bedroom 'the height of piggery'. Man, we used to laugh at that one. He also thought the expression "Nice Head" (which we used all the time) was ridiculous, so he would be driving us to school or Drum Corps or whatever, and he would roll down the window, get someone's attention who was walking by, and yell, "NICE HEAD!" just to show us how dumb it sounded. How embarrassing!

Okay, well, notalotta time for bloggy right now for the mama. maybe more later.

G'day mates.

Just trying to get my group stuff ready for tonight.

I am such a fly by the seat of my pants kinda girl. Always have been. I do find that becoming a parent has absolutely made me more inclined to plan better, but mostly, in the end, I am pulling things out of the printer while the car is warming up, memorizing scripts while waiting to go on stage, winging it while I am up in front of the group, or audience, or whatever.

I am just lucky enough to sound reasonably knowledgeable even when I am not, really. And so far I have gotten away with it. I dread the day when someone calls me on something and I have no response. Come to think of it, this did happen to me once, in high school.

We had to do oral presentations with a partner. Of course I picked a partner who had the worst attendance record in the whole school. There is always one of them, one of those kids who is always down with some mysterious illness or just doesn't show up hardly ever. They become sort of famous for their absences. In my grade school it was a guy named Frank Alexander. He was in my class from grade three to grade, um, eight I think, and I saw him maybe six times. So this was the kind of person who was my partner. Her name was Christine.

I had done my half of the research on Metternich, who was a councillor/head guy in the Ottoman Empire. Don't remember many historical details so bear with me. Christine was not there on our big day, and the teacher said to go ahead with my half of the presentation anyway. Gulp.

(First, a little background. I switched high schools in grade thirteen, from a small, all girl's Catholic inner city high school to a huge public high school where a lot of rich kids went to. I went there with my boyfriend Jay, so we could go to the same school and be in close proximity for eighteen hours a day instead of say, six. It was a snotty school, very competitive. And coming so late I never really fit in anywhere. )

So I am in front of the class, shakily giving my interpretation of this Metternich dude, and doing pretty well. Then it starts. The three little witches who sat near me and who were perfect and rich and absolutely not friendly began firing questions at me. I guess they thought I was doing just a little too well.
"What part of Austria are you talking about, anyways?
"Who was Metternichs second in command again?"
"Umm, I don't really, like, GET what you are trying to say. Was he an early, like communist or not?"

I am getting red faced and shrugging my shoulders and saying, "Uh, I am not sure..."

But they keep at it. I can feel the tears starting behind my eyes. One girl asks, "Do you even KNOW where it is you are refering to?"

I say, "Well, if I had a map..."

She jumps up, runs to the front, and yanks down an old map of Europe from the top of the blackboard. "There you go!" She says triumphantly, smirking at her friends. I was dying. Dying! I had no idea. I looked at the map and had no clue. Man, I could hardly see it with the tears happening and all.

I looked desperately around. Hardly anyone met my eyes. But the teacher (bless you, Mr Schlecta.) stood up. "Okay. Let me see."

He came to the front and stood beside me like a knight and pointed out all the places I had been talking about. He had always announced the marks for the presentations to the class, so when he was finished he said. I am giving Amy and A minus. She obviously knew her part of the presentation and did a good job without her partner here."

The three witches of Westdale "Tsk'd and sighed" They were annoyed when anyone got good marks. I sat down and braced my back against the glares being shot at it. I could hardly stop shaking. It was that feeling you get when there might be a fight, and you might be in it.

When the class was over I stayed in my seat. When everyone had gone I got up and walked out. Mr Schlecta looked up at me as I was leaving and sort of smiled at me. It is hard to see a man's smile with a beard.

I went straight to the bathroom, locked myself in a stall, and burst into tears.



Whew! Even the retelling of it half kills me. Tonight doesnt seem so bad now. So the dragon lady rolls her eyes. So i wing it a little. I know this stuff way better than I knew Baron Von Metternich. And the marks I get won't be on a report card.

Alright. I'm outta here. Cheers.

So I am sitting in the Dentist office with Sammy lying on the exam chair and Lucy in my lap. The orthodontist is talking to me about Sam's 'digital habit' (I guess he doesnt say thumbsucking in front of small children?) that he had up until age five and that it may have curved his upper bridge into a 'V'. He is going on about retainers and adjustments and braces and early preventative orthodontistry and it occurs to me.

I am not qualified for this.

I felt like someone had pulled me out of a high school geometry class at age fifteen and popped me into that chair. I am listening to the guy talk and thinking, when did I become this mommy of three sitting in a dentist office about my son's teeth? Doesn't the guy realize I am like, fifteen? I don't know even how to answer him! I am nodding and making little mm hmm sounds, like I am giving serious thought to what he is saying, but I am really thinking, holy crap, shouldn't I have brought someone, like, responsible with me to make these decisions?

Weird. Most days I feel pretty equipped to handle most things. I guess I think of braces and stuff as teenager material. And my kid is eight. I guess I don't think of myself as this mature adult, even though I mostly manage to keep up with the demands of my life.

I feel so many different ages at any given time. I feel forty when I get out of bed with one eye open and shuffle to the fridge to get Monty a glass of milk. I feel fifteen when I get a zit. I feel nine when my favorite song comes on. I feel thirty three (actual age) when I think that it has been twenty years since I was in grade eight. Wait, no, I feel about fifty then! I feel twenty one when I read a real good book, like knowledge is still wide open out there, waiting for me.

I think I just had an out of sync moment. The orthodontist probably thinks that I am a little bit retarded.

Oh well. I don't want Sam to get braces anyway.

Ciao.

Rainbow Brite went for 34 bucks US. Not bad, considering I paid 3 Cdn. There was one last week that went for $66, which woulda been great, but oh well. I got the gameboy up, which is already at $26, I hope to see it go to 50 maybe.

I love watching my auctions. It is such a rush watching them creep up in price. In November we found an old OZZY t-shirt of Jay's from high school. He didnt want it anymore (the thing was discolored and kinda funky) so we put it up. It was going for about 20 bucks right until the last five minutes of the auction. Everytime I refreshed the page it went up another five bucks. It ended at $72 US. Unbelievable. Then this guy emails me right away,

"Please. I am ultimate super rocker Ozzy fan. I try to win the auction hard, but my connection slow because I live in #@!*ing Poland. Please. I will offer to pay you for this shirt all I have, which is $180 US dollars. Please reply to me and not the other."

Yikes. He lost the auction to a real nice fella in England who was buying the shirt for his son. I guess I could have told the winner the shirt was mangled by a dog or something and then sold it to the Polish nutjob but that would have been, well, wrong. And I think if he is willing to pay $180 for a t shirt, he has more pressing psychological issues to deal with, and me selling him the shirt would probably not help.

That's what I like about ebay. It's a ride, man.


Okay so it is Tuesday and again I have my Joy group tomorrow night. I have been avoiding working on it because I dread facing the grim reaper lady who bummed me out so last time. I keep coming up with smart remarks to shoot at her if she bugs me again, but I know I have to keep my cool. I want to talk about moments of real joy. You know, those moments when you feel totally great, part of a bigger picture, when things just click?
I have several examples. When I finally (finally is right!) got my driver's license at 29, after failing the test 5 times, (three in the preceding year alone!). I pulled into the parking lot and the darling tester lady said, "Well done, Amy, you passed." Man! I was standing in the line to get my pic done, just hovering like three inches off the ground. I kept breaking into a goofy smile and then someone would give me the 'leave THAT one alone she's crazy' sideways glance, so I would stop smiling, then I would have to smile again, so I pretended to know the workers behind the desk and be smiling at them. I kept letting people go ahead of me, which of course is UNHEARD of at the Ministry of Trans. but I wanted to make the feeling last longer. It was a totally great five minutes.

So I want to get some feedback from the group, ask if they have had any of those moments. But the dragon lady will probably spit on me. So I have to think of a sneaky approach.

oops i better go get you know who ready for school, its like ten after.

Latah folks.

Sammy just informed me that it is already MARCH BREAK next week. Yowsers, did that sneak up on me! I hope we can do some fun things, get outta here and see something different. Of course I said that last year too, and the only thing we did, or tried to do, was go to Dundurn Castle with Joanne, Seth and Lucas.
It was a bit of the ole el fiasco. We got there and pushed the strollers through the mud, went to pay for our tickets only to be told that there were no strollers allowed in the castle. Nice.

So we thought we would make the best of it and go for a nice lunch in the Coach House restaurant they have there. We were getting the kids all situated when the teenybopper waitress snottily tells us to get the strollers out of the aisle. We moved them to the wall and she said, "Yeah, they are still sort of in the WAY so maybe you could leave them, like, OUTSIDE?"

So Joanne, (who can kick some ass when it needs to be done, good for her) says, "Okay, that's it. Get the manager for us, please." The waitress went scurrying away (probably had to go check that her low rise jeans hadn't fallen off her skinny bum) and the manager came. Joanne rocked. She told him that we made a huge effort to get out with the kids because Dundurn Castle was listed as 'a place to go' on the MARCH BREAK city of Hamilton flyer. And that we did not feel welcomed at all. So what could he do for us??!

He was saucy at first but she kept at him, being totally diplomatic yet utterly firm. And he was on our side in no time. He had someone bring the elevator down to get us and let the kids go upstairs where they had activities and stuff. He even told the cashier chick ( a snob in training) not to charge us anything!

Cool eh? I mean, it wasn't all we had come for but it was something. And it taught me a good lesson. Namely, don't wimp out if it's not your fault. I probably would have slipped away after the first 'we dont allow strollers here'. But not my coco chanel jojo silver. She's a classy lady who don't let the Man get her down.

So that is my March Break story. I am off to take Sam to the orthodontist, as the teeth that are right beside his (huge) front teeth arent coming down or something. Then to karate, because he goes for his yellow belt on Thursday and hasn't a clue what his kata is supposed to be.

Seeya.

Ahhh, monday morning, how sweet it is. This is what I would like to do today.

Climb back into bed with four or five soft oatmeal cookies and a cup of tea and read Davinci code till about 11 am.

Get up, have a long, hot, UNINTERRUPTED shower.

Meet a friend for lunch at East Side Marios.

Mosey around the Bay and get myself a two piece velour tracksuit that everyone seems to be wearing.

Come home, put my tracksuit on, lie on the couch and read Davinci code.

Order dinner from Amy's wok.

Call whoever has my kids and get them sent back home.

Well, that was fun! I almost believed it! Then Monty called from the bathroom 'help me wipe my BUM!'
So back to reality folks. This would be a good reality show. Forget the bachlorette, with all the dinners out and spa treatments together. How about, "So you wanna get married and have kids?" then they send the guy she loves away all day and leave her with three kids and a messy house. Be fun to see how her french manicure and gorgeous bonded smile stand up to THAT!

Okay gotta run so no drivey to schooly.
bye!

My friend said I should put my ebay name on here so youse can check out my items. Not that I would want any of my peeps to buy my things! Heck, you can have anything of mine if you ask! Well, maybe not my Silver jeans that finally fit me again, but almost anything else. It is just fun to see how auctions go. And it might inspire ya to sell something yerself! Whoopee! Ebay Everyone!
My name is duckmouf, after my little Monty and his sweet upper lip. Not to be confused with his upper cut, which ain't so sweet.

Night night.

Can I just quickly say that the DaVinci Code is AWESOME. I got it from my sister Jen who got it from my mom. They loved it. It took me a few chapters to get into it but then this cryptologist chick comes into the museum where the curator has been murdered and hands this guy a message to call the American Embassy and he calls and it is her own voice saying, "Do NOT react to this message. You are in danger". And I was/am hooked.

So there.

Heya,
Lady Luck herself is in my lap, trying to grab the keyboard with her looong fingernails. Gotta clip em.
Kind of gloomy out. March lion I guess. Man, I took the floormats out of my car last week because they stank, and I put them on the brick wall thingy to um, dry out. But then I just left them there. So now they are SOAKED. and dirty from having fallen off the wall a few times. They look great.

Jay is playing Medal of Honor or WWII downstairs tooooo LOOOUUD. I can't take it. Sounds like we are living in an air raid shelter. It is NOT what you call a relaxing Sunday afternoon sound. It is more like I want to take the kids and run to the basement with provisions for a week sound.

I am going to list Sam's gameboy on Ebay. He never plays it. I always find it beside the bathtub or in the butter keeper thingy in the fridge or between the couch cushions. It is only a matter of time before it gets wrecked, aka unsellable. I have to list a few things today, actually. This house is starting to look a bit like we could be moving at any time. Rainbow Brite is up to $20.50. We put Jays video card up yesterday and it is up to 87.50 already. Mind, we did pay about six hundred bucks for it less than two years ago. Computer stuff freaks me out how things change all the time. I remember in grade six i went to summer camp for smart kids at St. KateriTakawitha in um, 1982. And they were going on and on about how much computers could do. We had to write little programs in basic:

Line 10 Print "AMY IS GREAT"
Line 20 GOTO 10

Then you would press, "RUN"
Then it would come up

AMY IS GREAT
AMY IS GREAT
AMY IS GREAT
AMY IS GREAT
AMY IS GREAT
AMY IS GREAT
AMY IS GREAT
AMY IS GREAT
AMY IS GREAT
AMY IS GREAT

And we thought that was, well, great. It was all just starting back then and the instructors were all pumped about how computers could add huge numbers up for people who needed huge numbers added up and stuff. I kind of wish I had been a little more keen. It wasn't so complicated back then. Now forget it. I just get by. If there is a prob with something I am doing then I just shut er down and wait for daddy to get home. I don't even try to figure it out.

Well, of course certain people in this house are crying and others are being bratty so I better go.
At least I got a break at Church. Gotta love the nursery. Sandy and I totally drag it out to the last possible second before getting our kids.

Alright talk to ya later.

Arg its too early.
I thought I read somewhere that kids need like 12 hours sleep to function. How come mine need like, 7? Of course by one pm Sam will be tragically tired, whining about everything, following me around telling me how BORING it all is. Monty has no problem keeping himself awake and chipper, he just drags the stool over to the counter, climbs up and finds himself something sweet, whether it be leftover Halloween candy or a square of semi sweet Baker's chocolate.

I hate when people ask, how was your weekend? And I can't think of one thing I did.

I did get my hair cut yesterday, I think I was inspired by Chrissy. I got it all chopped off, it is super short at the back and sides and a bit longer on the top so I can push it around. I love it. It's a little punky. It's a little sheena easton-sharon stone-y. Actually it looks like my three year old kids haircut. But with more styling products in it.

Listed some stuff last night on ebay. All the little girl dresses that I put up are doing so well! At most I paid three bucks Canadian for them and some of them are over $10 US. Cool. Jay can't believe how I am sticking with the ebay thing. I usually go great guns on things and then drop them after a few weeks. But its FUN. And I looove to skulk around the thrift stores, flicking hangers to find the best stuff, checking labels, turning things over, finding tags. I found a Tenderheart Care Bear yesterday, c. 1983. We'll see how it does. My Rainbow Brite comforter is up to $12.50, a little disappointing but there is still two days left in the auction.

Mommy better go now, I hear the kitchen tap running. And it ain't a good fairy doing my dishes for me.

Ciao.

I just drank a whole cup of tea with no sugar. I know, so what, but it is what to me. I am a sugarola. I have sugar probs. It is just never too sweet for me. So I am trying really really hard not to have so much. Because that last five pounds of babyweight ain't checked out off my arse yet.

I use a lot of slang when I am in withdrawal.

This is the time of the morning when I think I have lots of time and I don't. I have to get Sam off to school by 830, yet between 8 and 830 I always think time stretches out, two minutes seems really long to me, enough time to make a lunch, make him brush his teeth, sign his agenda, pick out his clothes (or he will wear his gi pants with a pajama top, or whatever is closest to him), find his missing boot or glove or hat, kiss him and push him out the door.
He misses the bus at least once a week. Which is really fun, because I am in my pajamas, monty is usually naked, and lucy is still sleeping. And I have to get all these people into the car.
Then we are in the car and I am like, well we are out now, where else can we go?
Which usually means St Vinnys or Amity to find stuff for ebay, or a friend's house (it must be a good friend who can handle a small group of frighteningly unkempt people descending upon them at nine am) for tea. With SUGAR.

Thursday, hmmm.
Just getting ready for bed, going to read as much of the Davinci Code as I can before nodding off to sleep with it in my hand.... Jay always takes my book out of my hand when he comes to bed and it is always on his bedside table in the morning. One of those marriage things I guess.
I am ahead of the game for tomorrow! I made my meatballs tonight! Whoopee! During 'Without a Trace' I mashed em and shaped em and baked em. So I don't even have to give dinner a thought. I hate that 'what the hell are we going to have for dinner' feeling.
In my first post I said that I don't want this to be an hour by hour account of existence, but looky here, it kind of is. What else am I going to write? I have way too many practical thoughts in my head these days to go off on high falutin' metaphysical or philosophical explorations. I'll leave that to the people who actually have the time to finish a whole double whackucinno triple sow cow latte grandissimo while it is still HOT. As for me and my house, I am just going to concentrate on avoiding the potholes on the road and not forgetting to take out the 'cyclin, as my kid calls it.

Hi.
My group went well. I remembered much things and it flowed pretty smoothly. There is however, one ANNOYING lady in the group. She is a bitter person who informed me that 'it is easy for SOME people to be JOYOUS and LAUGH all the time because THOSE PEOPLE don't take responsibilities!' Whatever, woman.
She said she DOES not GET this nonsense of people hurting themselves and falling down being funny. That was after I showed a film clip of Donald O'Connor doing "make em laugh" in Singin' in the Rain. Like, I put the friggin clip in there for the old folks who might be feeling like I am some annoying young brat trying to tell them to stay on the sunny side of life. I thought it would be appreciated. But I was wrong. Well, wrong with her, anyways. She is one of those people whose mood pervades the whole group.
You know? One of those people who everyone tiptoes around, who everyone laughs too loudly at her jokes to humour her bad humour. I went to high school with a chick like this. She was SO popular and I to this day havent a clue why. She wore a knot in her face constantly. People would dance circles around her, bringing her barbecue ringolos and penny candy from Cloverdale, and she would just look at them like they disgusted her.
I have no desire to turn this lady around. I would have, had this been five years ago. But now I just don't have the energy. What on earth would someone like that take a HUMOUR seminar for? I know. To prove to the world that LIFE IS NOT FUNNY.
She even told me in an indirect way that I was annoying. Ain't life grand?

Yowsers. Busy day today, I am starting a class (where I am the instructor/leader!) tonight on humour and joyful living. Of course I have known about it for MONTHS but I am scrambling around like an idiot putting it together in the last four hours. My 8 month old is teething and very annoyed that mommy has other priorities, and I don't even know where my three year old is, probably downstairs smearing his Wendy's burger on the living room carpet.
I love how I get him Wendy's and he eats three fries and the pop, then its all about the TOY. He carries the burger around for a couple of hours just to humor me. Ah well, this group should be easier than other things I have done, at least I don't have to memorize anything.
We had book group today, me and the gals. It was good, we went around the room and told each person good things about them. It wasn't a dorky-women-oozing-phoney-compliments-at-each-other-just-so-they-can-get-some-in-return kind of thing. It was fun. Matter of fact I can hardly remember what was said about me. Well, thats not true at all. Sandy said I was good at accepting my life and dealing with things as they were. Very cool. Chrissy said I was perceptive about people. Frig, Chrissy's hair looked really good today. She got all layers and highlights. I loved it. I have been meaning to get highlights but I am terrified about keeping them up. Its so expensive and I know myself, it just won't get done and then after a few months I will just look like a dirtbag.
So that is it for today, I GOTTA get back to my stuff.
Ciao

Been wanting to start this for a while now. I have kept a real (paper) diary since I was about eight, but I only write in it about twice a year. And I don't know where it is, I think I left it in Nova Scotia when we moved in 1995. So whoever found it is probably reading it to his friends about how Sandy and I got flashed by that guy in Gage Park in 1983. Yikes.
I figure that since I check my email six hundred times a day anyways, I might as well create a written record of some of the thoughts in my head. Hopefully it will not be just an hour by hour account of existence. I think my life is as interesting as the next guy's, unless the next guy is, say, a paratrooper or something.