Wednesday, March 24, 2004


Gig went well last night. There was only supposed to be about 35 people there and it ended up being an aud of 100+. A little overwhelming but they were a great crowd, very rowdy and fun. Even too rowdy, as whenever we had them do something it took about five minutes to settle them down. But a good gig.

And book group was goood too! Lots of laughs. We didnt talk about the book so much as just shootin the breeze. Well, we did discuss it somewhat but very informally, very fun. It's funny though. The first book group night we had everyone came, it was like 17 ladies all gung ho rootin tootin readin' cowgirls. That was in Sept. And since then we are lucky to get 8 or 9 ladies out. So funny, if there was one night I would overcome obstacles to get to, it is this night. What could be better than yammering on with a bunch of gals about books, munching on goodies and having fun? I know if I want to be somewhere, I will do anything to get there. It is the things that I am not that into that are simple to find excuses for.

And yet, having said all that, I know sometimes, with fatigue from work, or sniffly kids, or dorky babysitters, or husbands that can't get home when you need them to, it is simpler to just not go. to anything. Only when I am there do I get that wash over of gratitude for being in that spot at that time. I had it last night when the tears were squeezing out of my eyes, laughing hysterically at Sandy's story of the telephone solicitor. I had it last Tuesday sitting in between my brother and Jay at Cufu. I have it when I make it to church and get to stand and sing my little heart out even though it has taken much early morning agony to get there for nine thirty in the morning.

I think it is the whole engagement of life that we were talking about last night. Not just being like the main character Louise, sort of steadily existing without ever really locking in to anything.

You gotta lock in, man.

You gotta look people in the eyes and listen when they are telling you something. You have to talk your truth, not just tell people what you think they want to hear. You have to disagreesometimes, say "WOW!" sometimes, smile with your whole face, point at things that interest you, and think about what you are saying, doing, eating, and hoping for.

Geez, where did THAT come from? And that is my point. I kinda went off there, and so what? If I were to read it all over again I would start worrying if it sounded stupid, or know-it-all-y, or whatever. Who cares? It is what it is. And, in the words of Popeye, I am what I am.

Or was it, I is what I is?

Ah well, have a good rest of the day.


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