Sunday, January 30, 2005


Listening to Monty play with five finger puppets on one hand. They all talk to each other through him.

"Hey! That's my body!"
"Thummby Thumb is my name"
"Why it is raining?"
"We all got this hand! It's our un-brewla!"
"You got a boyfriend."
"There's twenty water drops."
"My shirt. I got a tie, see?"

Shoot. He just caught me looking at him and now nobody's talking.


Saturday, January 29, 2005

On the mend.......

I must say that there is not much to blog about in terms of day to day events when you havent really left the house in five days. Wait, that's not true. I did go to Shoppers three different times for various curing remedies and kleenex.

And Diet Coke.

And diapers.

And um, one Cadbury Fruit and Nut choc bar. (Don't even start. It's called PMS.)

That reminds me, one time after Christmas last year I went to Shoppers for something and they had all the Christmas chocolate on sale. So I bought this box (BOX.) of Lindor assorted chocs. They looked really good. I don't even think I remembered what I was there for once I had those chocolates in my hand.

So I go out to the car with them and put them on the front seat beside me. Then I needed to try them. (Ask any mom, many, many treats are eaten alone in the car because it is a treat on top of a treat to not have anyone salivating all over you for whatcha got.) So I try to open the package and it is like, sealed as if it was going 20,000 feet below sea level. I swear it was pressurized and everything in there. I couldn't peel back the layer of plastic wrap, so I am trying to tear it with my teeth.

It wouldn't give. So then I am fighting with it, like a hyena yankin on a carcass, using both hands and biting the plastic until finally, FINALLY I can get it open.

Ahhhh. I open the box with my sweaty hand and extract a beautiful chocolate, pop it into my mouth.

Then I get this feeling, so I look out the window beside me.

And there is this GUY parked there, staring at me, who has been waiting for my spot.

I almost died. I just stared back.

He smiled a little smile at me, a little frightened smile. A little, "I'm just going to leave you alone because you might hurt me" smile.

I realized then that everything was just fine. He probably had a wife of his own who attacked boxes of chocolates once a month. I had the power. It felt good.

I shot him a serious look. Then I put another chocolate in my mouth and pulled out of the parking space, all business.

Sometimes it's fun to be a woman.


Thursday, January 27, 2005

A Bunch of Sickos.

This house is under quarantine. We need a biohazard waste depot to keep up with the kleenex alone. Jay was as sick as I have ever seen him, I swear he almost went septic before his doc put him on those horse pill antibiotics. He couldn't even muster up the energy to talk. And I had to sleep on the couch because his fever was so high it was like sleeping with the hot water heater. He is on the mend now though. There are signs of life and the eyeballs are looking a little less yellow.

Sam is off school. The cough that shook the foundations is happening. We are off to the doc's today to see if there is anything more we can do.

Monty and Luca are actually okay. Lucy is getting FOUR eye teeth right now, so she has the running nose etc. And I think a little cold, but really the lady is doin alriighht.

As for me, I have so far managed to escape all this nonsense, but the sore throat and cough are slowly closing in on me. The verdict is still out. Last night I made myself a batch of guacamole with four cloves of fresh garlic chopped up in there. I could feel the germs being slaughtered by my breath alone. Hopefully it worked. Anyone know any other ways to fight off impending cold bugs?

So that's where it's at, Jack. It ain't glitzy but it ain't dull either. I am going to write a Symphony of Coughs that the Forderers will perform concert style. Except, who would come to THAT?


Wednesday, January 26, 2005

How many times does THIS have to happen.

Rising crust pizza, fresh out of oven.....

LET IT ALONE until it has cooled off. I will eventually have to get skin grafts done on the roof of my mouth to repair the repeated damage. Tastes so good. Hurts so bad.


Monday, January 24, 2005

Hey! My new profile pic is up! That is me August 17, 1996, getting annoyed with how the bouquets were turning out. What a brat.

Can I say i am not done shovelling yet? Jay has been sick so I had to be the man of the house, went out yesterday aft and shovelled hard for almost two hours, then went out again after the smaller kids were in bed for an hour and a half. And there is STILL this big ole patch o snow between the vehicles, about 10 feet by 6 feet, and 20 inches high. I think our house was a snow magnet.

Here is my shovelling partner.

He didn't really do his share. His gloves were bugging him alot, so he kept taking them off. Then his hands got cold, so he was crying alot. Then I took him in. Then he cried at the window like a child on the back of a train saying goodbye to his family forever. So I brought him back out. Then he got stuck in about seven snow banks. Then we looked for his shovel. Couldn't find it. So he um, cried.

Sammy built a wicked snow fort himself. He got me to take this picture before school today.

Winter can be kind of fun.

Except for that 10 by 6 item I was talking about earlier.


Then I am shovelling and thinking, 'How big DOES my butt look in two pairs of pants?'



Saturday, January 22, 2005

Kay, blogger or blogspot is bugging me.

First of all, they have not updated my blog in forever. In October it said I had 49,500 words, and I know for a fact that I have written since then, but nary an update in sight. Annoying. Then, when I try to change my profile picture from the oversexed kangaroo cooling his jets to my miserable bride wedding photo, nothing happens. Try it yourself, click on my profile pic of kangaroo and you will see what the picture is supposed to be. Weird. It's like they just don't care.

And of course, they probably don't. Who am I in the big internet scheme of things? I don't work for CTU, I barely know how to post a link on my blog. Really, I am lucky that the computer doesnt just blow up in front of me everyday with all the control-z'ing and Ctrl-Alt-Del'ing I do. I guess I deserve to have things happen that make me mad.

See, this is what happens on snow days. Not much else to do but surf the net between cups of hot chocolate and cleaning up after the fordererlings, (and I gave up on that about 10:30 this morning).

It's 623 already, better go see if anyone's hungry. On second thought, if they were hungry, they would be up me arse about it. On third thought, they will probably start clamoring in about half an hour, so I might as well be prepared.

toodles, happy snow day.


Friday, January 21, 2005

One idea for seasonal depression.



I got published on the Delawana Resort Website. If you click on the little story you will go to my blogs about the DR. Plus (and most importantly) there is a picture of Monty with the story that I love.

Ciao! Happy Fryday. Hmm, Fry.....Fish and Chips for dinner I think....

(See where it says Delawana gets two thumbs up)

7:26 Am, do you know where your children are?

Ahhh, I think I need to find stronger tea. There just isnt enough caffeine in there to get me going in the morns. Sometimes drinking a cup of tea is just so relaxing that I could crawl back into bed. Of course, that doesnt happen, because I am working here, people. I could go back to bed, but bad things would happen to good kids.

I need a morning beverage that gives me the shivers. Maybe I should start drinking Buckley's Cough syrup. I heard there are ground up pine needles in there.

Went to a wake on Wed for Sandy's mom. She died on Sunday. Looking at all those old pictures, thinking about this woman, my best friend's mother, who I have known for 27 years. Poor Sandy! I mean, they will have to scrape me off the floor if my mom dies. If I even think about it I get all sorry for myself and a lump in my throat and I have to think about something else quick.

My earliest memory of Gladys Stachura is of her being on the other end of the phone. She would call Sandy and talk and talk, and Sandy would let me listen to her for a few minutes. Man, she could talk. Sandy would take the phone by the curly cord and swing it around the room, her mom never knew a thing.

Also when we were kids we would sleep over at Gladys's at her apartment on Mohawk Road. It was kind of exotic to me, being in an apartment. She had these huge ostrich feathers in one corner, and she always had ice cream. She liked me because I was polite. She had a lot of makeup, which we would slather on, and then go for a walk down the hallway. Sometimes we even went in the elevator.

Sandys mom could talk about a deal she got on a sweater for half an hour. I never saw her, not once, without her hair done. She was 'friends' with my uncle Donny for twenty years. So weird that she is gone, just like that.

Again and as always I got a chance to admire Sandy this week. I don't know another person who can do what needs to be done like her. I really am lucky that she has keep me around all these years.

Alright, well it is 747 now (blogging interrupted several times already) and before someone else needs me I better go. Is it Friday already?


Tuesday, January 18, 2005

Hey hey,

Been a long time since Army blogged. Army busy.

And now that I am here I kinda don't have much to say. So there you go. This past week you were spared an hour by hour account of existence. So I shall do what any self respecting parent does when they can't think of anything else to write, I will give you an update on my kids.

Headline 1


I love how that kid gets obsessed about things. He really gives 110 percent to whatever he is into at any given time. For a while it was everything Chinese. Then it was Sonic the Hedgehog. Now it is Godzilla. He has watched three different G-zilla movies. He draws Godzilla. He is doing Godzilla for his speech subject. (Remember grade school speeches?!) He is having me bid on a G-zilla toy on ebay ("Honest Ma!!! I will pay for it OUT of MY OWN moNEEEEE!"). What a riot.


Or something like. I swear, the kid is waitin for a flood in the pants I bought him to start school in September that I had to roll up twice. And he is getting heavy! Which makes it hard to give airplane rides or have a romantic dance in the kitchen to PAVLO after supper. As for other news on the Eggbert front, he is still up to hijinks but no major madness this week.


That little bum. I have these three pieces of foam that I wedge into the bottom step of the stairs leading up from my kitchen. It worked like a charm for Monty till he was two. But the red headed mastermind figured out that she can dig out the protective cover (blanket) and tunnel her way through the pieces and get past them! How dare she! So now she is upstairs downstairs all around the town. And, of course, so is her exhausted Mother. Blech.

Thats it! Arent you glad you stopped by?

Other than all this eggsitement I did NOT end up registering for a course at Mac this semester. And I am GLAD. GLAD I tell you. I am doing a set for the humour conference in less than four weeks though. So the mental faculties will have their workout, as fifteen minutes of comedy material translates into about 40 hours of writing and rehearsing and all that. Any one heard any good jokes lately?

Alright well toodle oo. I must go find something to go with the roast I made today.


Sunday, January 09, 2005


"I have a little hobby and my name is Lucy Loo,
When my momma's busy let me tell you what I do,
I go to this great cupboard and break open the lock,
And dump it all out on the floor, tell me I don't rock.

My silly ma thinks she can get away with doing other things,
Like laundry or talking on that weird device that rings,
I have a kid-sense and I know the best time to make a mess,
And I tell ya, what a howl to watch her get all stressed!

She says, "Oh Lucy! What'ja do?!" and I smile my nicest smile,
And how great is this? She picks me up and hugs me for a while!
I have this feeling it's cause I'm little I can do this stuff,
But when I get big like my brothers, man the jig is UP!"

Wednesday, January 05, 2005

Happy Jan 4!

Whatever eh. I have been surfin the net absentmindedly and now my right hand is cold from being held away from my body on the mouse for so long! Eek.

Watched the new Patricia Arquette drama "Medium" on Mon night. It was pretty good, looking forward to checking it out again. I have always liked her. She is so un-book pretty, with her worried eyes and crooked teeth.

My jojo silver comes home today from a torturously long trip to Sask. That's enough now. I need to sit in her front room and drink tea now.

This morning I watched Sandy's two kids along with my own monty and lucy. Yowsers, again and again I am dumbfounded at how my mother survived having four kids in five years. I mean, every time you turn around somebody is either standing on a chair or eating the dirt out of the plant (don't worry san, this was one of mine) or hungry or smells funky or is dumping a big ole box of toys on the floor. I was totally fine with it this morn. I can NOT IMAGINE living it 24 hours a day. To my parental units I salute thee. Times nine.

I am reading a doozy. It is called "The Divine Economy of Salvation" by, um, shoot. Anna Paddul? More on that when I can get the authors name right. Can I say I am enjoying not taking a class (Yet) this semester? Can I say that I want to not take one at all? That last semester and the cultural studies almost killed me?

Argh. I need to finish my degree. There always seems to be something in my life that is a little albatrossian. Always one little weevil wedged into my consciousness, that keeps me from being totally content at any given time. Right now it is whichever course I am taking. You can't take a course at university and not have the weevil effect, unless you are BB (born brilliant) and dont have to work to get a decent mark. There is the reading. The assignments. The nagging feeling that you are just not smart enough. The exam.


Any HOO. We can think about it tomorrow, said Scarlett. Tonight I am going to scoot downstairs, make meself an HC and bring it up to my bed, (NoteToSelf: Hold Hot Choc with right hand to restore blood flow) where I shall tuck into my book for half an hour and then sleep perchance to dream.

Bon nuit, mes amis.


Sunday, January 02, 2005

January 2 whatcha gone do?

New Yearses Resolutions Made and Resolved in one fell swooop.

1. Get in shape.
2. Hah! I always say that and maybe I work out three times a decade. So I shall say, Keep a shape. Any shape. I resolve not to change my human form over the next year but maintain the two arms two legs and one head with a torso in the middle thing that has worked for me lo these many years.

1. Write that novel/screenplay/short story collection/poetry book/non fiction self help book/comic book/newspaper article/letter to the eddetter/renewed marriage vow/birthday card/cheque/phone number.
2. Hmm. I shall blog when possible. I will work on a few other things. I will utterly fail to write a few other things. I will continue to write late cheques and numbers down when I can find a sharp eyeliner or crayon.

1. Be more organized.
2. Hardy Har Har. I will hide more stuff in more places when people come over.

1. Have more patience with my kids.
2. Have you met my kids?

1. Put more effort into Jay and I's romantic rel'ship.
2. Hey, I don't even have time to spell the word rel'ship. I can only do what I can only do. And who says microwave popcorn and the Sopranos reruns ain't romantic?

1. Keep my car cleaner.
2. This one I may attempt. I am tired of praying that nobody looks in my car when I go somewhere. At the very least I will get a handle on the half timbits on the floor factor.

1. Eat more salad.
2. Why bother?

1. Have patience with my MIL.
2. Have you met my MIL?
3. No, really, have you met her?

1. Get off the computer faster when I hear my kids shrieking about something instead of rolling my eyes and then checking my email first, then moseying downstairs to say, "What now?"
2. Maybe I will mosey faster.

Thats all I can muster up. What about you guys? Anyone have any suggestions for me? I like how I am in the car with Jay and I say, "So, what are your new years resolutions?" And when he tells me them I am like, "Oh." And I am thinking to myself, "Ask ME what your resolutions should be. I have some really good ones for you." But he doesn't ask. And I am like, rats.

But if he told me what mine should be I would be like, "Hmm. Thanks." Then I would pout for a couple days, because when you tell someone what you think they should have a resolution about you are basically telling them they suck at something. And you just shouldn't do that with a lady. Guys should be able to take our loving suggestions but never never should the tables turn. Ahh, its fun to be the girl.

Better go.